


Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

by sunflowersailor



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Slight Canon Divergence, lots of soft feelings lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25050856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowersailor/pseuds/sunflowersailor
Summary: Shouyou being in Brazil is more difficult on Kenma than he thought it would be. Maybe it's finally time for him to work through his emotions and tell Shouyou how he feels about him.Commission for @sylveanh on Twitter
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 4
Kudos: 96





	Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Kenma’s usual morning routine is to be woken up by the shrill chirping of birds and the sun’s rays streaming through the blinds of his window. Today however, the buzzing of his phone is what wakes him up instead.

Without bothering to open his eyes, he blindly paws around for wherever he’s left the device and hopes he doesn’t accidentally lose it in the tangle of sheets. The soft, cotton comforter bunches up in his fingers as he rummages, and he's awarded a small sense of victory when he finally feels the cold, hard touch of the glass screen on his fingertips. 

He slowly cracks one eye open, suppresses a yawn, and looks at the notification on screen. The hazy, half-awake state he’s been in this entire time instantly comes to a screeching halt as he reads the message and the sender’s name.

_ I’m coming home in two days!!!! _ That’s all it says, and yet his stomach is left in knots and a warm feeling is slowly working its way into his chest. 

At this point, Kenma’s lost track of the days since Hinata’s departure to Brazil. He’s been busy juggling company matters and streaming, so he’s not surprised his sense of time’s been off. But this one message, a message sprinkled with the contagious enthusiasm the sender carries with him wherever he goes, makes Kenma decide that it’s been far too long since he’s been gone.

Or perhaps he’s always known that it’s been too long, but he’s only acknowledging it now. The realization that he’d missed Shouyou had been gradual, slowly filling the crevices of his mind whenever he’d get done with an extensive messaging session with the other. It had come to a head one night after he nearly ended the conversation with an ‘I love you’ as opposed to a ‘Goodnight.’

Okay, so maybe there were more feelings involved besides just missing. And maybe it wasn’t actually missing, but longing. Pining, even, if he was brave enough to acknowledge it.

Shoyou is someone important to him. He has been for a long time now. And maybe, it’s finally time for Kenma to do something about it.

If he can get over his self-doubt for more than a few seconds, that is.

The realization that he’s been staring at the screen for eight minutes with no response is what finally snaps him back into reality, and he quickly types back a simple response acknowledging his message, then hits send.

Or, that’s what he should have done.

Instead, his fingers type out  _ Should I meet you at the airport? _ before his brain can catch up, and he hits send.

It’s only after the message has been sent that he thinks for more than two seconds about what he’s just set in motion. And it’s only seconds later that he wishes life included a reset button like the ones on older game consoles.

Would he even be able to face Shouyou with complicated feelings still left to work through? Kenma has always been prided with making rational decisions, especially when it comes to volleyball. But when it comes to Hinata Shouyou, the ‘brain’ part of ‘Nekoma’s Brain’ tends to get lost, and his heart is the organ that steers his decisions, no matter how messy and ill planned they may be.

Perhaps it’s because of the way the other shines like the morning sun, blinding him with a smile bright enough to push out the shyness that resides in Kenma. Or perhaps it’s because Shouyou knows how to get him to be excited without pushing him past his limit. But no matter the reason, he knows when Shouyou is around, things tend not to go to plan. And he really should have a plan, if he was to eventually tell him of his feelings.

The buzzing of his phone is what brings him out of his contemplative state, and he feels his heart pick up in his chest as he takes a look at the response.

_ A friend is already getting me! But I’ll be in Tokyo for a few days so let’s hang out after! _

Pocketing his phone, Kenma decides that this response is actually a blessing, even though the small tinge of disappointment says otherwise. But it wouldn’t do him any good to be sitting on the train, stewing in his feelings only moments before he was to see him. Just what would he do after he arrived at the airport? What would he do, if Hinata were to call out his name and run toward him, as if they were lovers finally being reunited? What would he do, if Hinata were to hug him, and the warmth from the hug made him unable to speak, unable to _ breathe _ ?

No, that simply wouldn’t do.

Instead, while Shouyou reconnects with his other friends, he’s going to reconnect with the rational part of himself. This is the part that tells him not to get too excited, because he’s not even sure if Shouyou’s feelings match his own. He’s never been known to set his ambitions too high; the disappointment of being let down is something he tries to avoid feeling. He’s going to hang out with Shouyou, and he’s going to slowly but surely work up the courage to ask him about how he feels.

Of course, it’s easier to think about it like that when his heart doesn’t race every single time Shouyou’s name appears in his notifications, like it’s just done now.

_ We should go to an arcade before I leave! _ is what the text says this time.

And it seems as though his rational, completely logical brain has decided to team up with his heart to betray him, because the first thought that comes to his mind is that he wants this to be a date. He wants to imagine the both of them, standing at a UFO catcher, Shouyou’s face scrunched up in concentration as he tries to catch something. He wants to imagine him pouting as he fails, only for Kenma to step in and get it for him. And although it’s dangerous, he wants to imagine the bright smile he would receive from the other, along with the hug that would fill his stomach with butterflies.

The longer he thinks about it, the more he finds himself succumbing to the hope that Shouyou does actually like him too. And since Kenma has never been one to fight a losing battle, this time he does decide that maybe, he can let his heart make the decisions and not be afraid of the consequences. Maybe, he can finally admit to Shouyou that he doesn’t want to be just friends, because he’s spent far too long with warm, soft feelings trapped in him to deny how he feels anymore.

And maybe, if he’s lucky, Shouyou will feel the same way.

_ Ok. We can do that. I’ll see you then. _

+++

The thing about Kuroo is, despite what others might think about him, he’s perceptive. He can also be a little bit of an asshole.

So of course, when Kenma picks up the phone after seeing his name on screen, and he starts the conversation off with “What’s up with you and Chibi-chan?” he’s not at all surprised, but he has a feeling he should be prepared for the headache that comes with talking to a friend about a crush. 

“Hello to you too.” Kuroo’s snickering only makes him roll his eyes.

“Oh come on, I watched your stream the other day. I know what was happening when you were describing your dream ‘girl’ to the chat.”

Not only is Kuroo perceptive and an asshole, he’s also (unfortunately) been aware of Kenma’s crush on Shouyou since the first time Kenma let his guard down and allowed himself to softly smile at the other as he played, and he hasn’t let go of it since.

“He’s in Brazil right now anyway, I can’t do anything about it if I tried.”

“But you  _ are _ going to try when he gets back, right?”

A beat of silence. Then, a sigh.

“Kenma, you can’t keep putting this off forever. It’s been, what, two or three years now? How long are you planning on keeping this inside?”

An anxious feeling hits him full force at Kuroo’s question. He’s not sure he can answer that. It has been a long time. Kenma’s experienced just about every emotion and then some as he’s watched the other get better and more motivated, while he’s just… stayed the same. No real ambitions or motivations, Kenma’s let life pull him along wherever it chooses, while Shouyou has ceaselessly put in time to make his life his own.

The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes just how different they are.

A storm of second thoughts invades his mind, and he finds that the small boost of confidence he’d had about asking Shouyou about his feelings just the day prior has been caught in the middle of it.

“Shouyou has always been a person to keep getting better at everything he does,” he starts out, fidgeting with a strand of hair. “But I haven’t done anything like he has. He's always improving, while I just stay the same."

There's another pause, this time punctuated with an air of sadness.

"I'm just afraid I won't be able to keep up with him, or that I'll disappoint him because I’m so slow to change," he whispers.

And Kuroo, as infuriating as ever, responds to this heartfelt confession with not sympathy, but snickering. The longer it continues, the more Kenma finds his annoyance building. Maybe it was a mistake to talk to Kuroo about this.

“Kenma, are you kidding me?” he finally asks in what sounds like disbelief. “Have you even  _ seen _ the way he looks at you? Guy can barely think straight when he talks to you, it’s honestly painful to watch.”

And Kenma, again, has to remind himself that Kuroo may be an asshole, but his perceptiveness is nearly unmatched. The storm clouds begin to part, and the hope he’s been keeping at bay breaches them like the rays of the sun.

“You don’t think I’d get in his way?” he asks, his voice wavering with the last bit of uncertainty.

“No way! Chibi-chan is just happy being around you. He really doesn’t care about any of that, he just wants to see you smile.”

Kenma feels his face heat up. “That’s embarrassing,” he stammers out. “Don’t say things like that.”

Kuroo only laughs more, and Kenma wants to hide in his hoodie forever. “I’m only saying it because it’s true. You’re just too anxious to see it. Besides,”—his voice suddenly turns stern, almost motherly— “You’re way too hard on yourself. You’re talking about being stagnant while you’re the CEO of a company! If anything, he should be the one worried about disappointing you.”

Somehow, he’s never thought about it like that before. It feels as though he’s finally just cleared a particularly hard level, or fog in a field has lifted, revealing a previously hidden path.

Kuroo may be an asshole, but he’s also Kenma’s best supporter.

“I hate that you’re right,” Kenma finally says, pulling another snicker out of Kuroo.

“And I hate watching you two dance around each other like you’ve never talked to another human being, so get out there and ask him out already!”

Kenma hates the smile that forces its way onto his face just as much as he hates when Kuroo is right. “Fine, fine. I’ll do it when he comes back.”

He can practically see Kuroo grinning from the other end. “I’m holding you to that, you know.”

+++

There are two distinct things Kenma notices about Shouyou when he opens the door and invites him inside that morning.

The first thing is how tan he’s gotten. Not only is he tan, but he’s obviously gained a bit of muscle from practicing abroad as well. Once again, his heart and brain betray him as he thinks about how those muscles feel against him as Shouyou gives him a hug that carries the weight of several months without physical contact. He’s gotten strong, or maybe it’s just Kenma appreciating how secure he makes him feel in his embrace.

That’s strike one.

The second thing he notices is his enthusiasm. Not only has it not faded at all, if anything, it’s gotten even more intense. When Shouyou talks, he moves his arms with such vigor that he nearly knocks over a vase, then quickly catches it and apologizes profusely, his head nearly knocking into Kenma’s when he bows. It takes all of Kenma’s strength not to snort at his antics, and the same warm feeling that has invaded his chest a thousand times before once again nestles itself in his heart.

That’s strike two.

“Oh, by the way!” he says, giving Kenma a jolt. Shouyou rummages around his backpack, mumbling something about a gift. Finally, he produces a small statue—that Kenma recognizes as the statue in the various photos he’s sent him of Rio—and plops it into Kenma’s hands.

“This is for you. I know it’s nothing compared to all the support you’ve given me,” he says, sheepishly. He then fixes Kenma with a sincere smile, and the other feels his heart stop at the sight. “But it’s something I thought maybe you might like? You’ve just been a good friend for a really long time, and I think you’re special too!”

The words come out in a jumble, and it’s the very essence of Hinata Shouyou himself. Jumbled, but so sincere and heartfelt it makes Kenma forget how to function.

That’s strike three. And that’s how he knows in his heart that confessing to Shouyou today is absolutely, without a doubt, the right thing to do.

“Thank you, Shouyou,” he says, trying not to stumble over his words. “Actually, um, there’s something I need to ask you.”

Eyes full of curiosity now rest on Kenma, making his heart skip another beat. Kenma’s afraid he might develop an arrhythmia if this keeps up. “After we’re done at the arcade, do you wanna maybe, go somewhere after? Like, a cafe?”

“Oh! You mean like a cat cafe?” he asks, his eyes lit up with excitement.

The suggestion catches Kenma off guard. He didn’t think Shouyou was a cat person, or the type of person to willingly spend his time in a place that wasn’t high energy. There’s another thought that nags at him, but he ignores it. There was no way that he wasn’t suggesting they go because he knows Kenma likes cats. That’s simply absurd, and Kenma won’t allow himself to think that Shouyou is doing it for his sake alone.

“I’ve only been to one of those once, and I don’t really remember what they’re like,” he continues. “But I thought that you might like a place to just relax after, so I’m totally fine going.”

Kenma feels like he’s about to collapse. Was it possible to like a person this much? Was it possible to feel so loved by a simple consideration? 

“That, that sounds good to me, thank you Shouyou,” he says as he struggles to remember how to speak.

The other flashes him a grin, and Kenma truly feels like he needs to be taken to the hospital right this very instant.

“Anyway, I’m ready to go now if you are, Kenma,” he says, making Kenma inwardly scramble to get a hold of himself.

Kenma nods, and gently places the statue on his kotatsu. He plans to come back and put it somewhere special, somewhere he can look at it and be reminded of Shouyou at all times. He’s never been one to see any type of object as good or bad luck. He knows very well that one’s own competence and hard work can bring them far. But, as they step out of the door and he takes one last glance back at the statue, he decides that he can ignore this sentiment for a while. Whatever will help him out tonight, he’s going to take full advantage of. He needs this to work.

+++

The chill, nippy air of a fast fading Autumn is the first thing that greets the pair as they step off of the train to Shinjuku. 

It’s crowded, as Shinjuku always is. Usually, Kenma hates coming here. The noise from the electronic billboards plastered to the buildings grate on his ears, and the crowds fill the narrow streets to the brim, making him feel more claustrophobic than getting on the train during rush hour. But looking at Shouyou, whose cheeks are red from the cold and from excitement, he decides he could go through one hundred Shinjukus, so long as the other was with him the whole way.

The two make their way to a large arcade near a pachinko parlor and step inside. The lights and upbeat idol music are an assault on the senses; this is the type of environment Shouyou thrives in. If he’s happy, then it’s definitely worth it.

They stumble upon a UFO catcher filled with baby chicks and round, squishy kittens, and based on Shoyou’s squeal of elation, he knows this is the perfect first stop of the night.

He knows these machines are designed for the sole purpose of taking as much money as possible. He’s seen people stand in front of them for at least thirty minutes trying to get something, only to give up and walk away empty handed. But Kenma is not the average person. He knows exactly techniques to use, and he has a heart to win.

It takes him five times to win both a chick and a cat. Five times, each time with Shouyou’s face lit up with the same passion he has when watching a volleyball game. Kenma feels a small sense of pride at the fact that he put that smile there. He’d do anything to see that expression every day of his life if he could.

“Kenma! You really are the best!” the other says, grabbing his hands in a moment of excitement.

Kenma slides his scarf above his cheeks and breaks eye contact. “It’s because I like you.”

For an earth shattering second, his heart stops as he realizes the mistake he’s made.

“I didn’t catch that, could you repeat it one more time?”

And then it starts beating again.

“I just said it’s because I practiced.”

Shouyou nods, and Kenma feels relief flood through him. He’s going to have to be more careful. He needs to wait for just the right moment.

The pair wander around the place more, Kenma being more or less dragged by a thrilled Shouyou. They play a round of a taiko drum rhythm game that leaves Kenma with sweat dripping down his face (seriously, when was the last time he’d been this active?) and a racing game that leaves him wondering if Shouyou would ever be able to safely drive in real life.

By the time the two exit the arcade, the sun has nearly made its slow descent below the horizon, and a few stars are twinkling above the vast skyscrapers lining the streets. His ears are still ringing, but he hardly notices it over the high he feels looking upon Shoyou’s starstruck face as he recounts for the fifth time how he’d gotten first place in the racing game. Kenma only smiles and decides he’s never going to mention the fact that he’d done badly on purpose. Seeing Shouyou’s eyes sparkle to match the stars in the sky is too precious to him to ruin it now. 

“Kenma? Are you doing okay?”

He’s snapped out of his reverie by Shouyou’s voice, which is now tinged with a hint of concern. 

“Um, yes? Why?”

The other shrugs. “You just seemed kind of out of it. I was worried the arcade might have been too much for you.”

Kenma only shakes his head. “No, I’m actually feeling good. I’m just happy that I get to spend time with you.” Barely a second after the words leave his mouth, he inwardly cringes at the sincerity in his voice, and hopes that Shouyou doesn’t look too much into it. Not yet, at least. “Um, anyway, the cafe is only about a minute away, if you’re ready.”

The other’s face lights up, and he nods enthusiastically. Kenma doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of his infectious happiness. Kenma doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of him in general, actually. Not when the other makes him feel like he’s a treasured part of his life every time they talk. Not when, after feeling like he’s been lost in an anxious haze for most of his life, Shouyou had dragged him out, made him see the better parts of living.

Kenma wouldn’t mind if he could feel like that for the rest of his life. Romantic relationship or not, Shouyou is a person he wants in his life for as long as he can have him. He wonders if anyone else could ever make him feel like this. How long would it take him to find another Hinata Shouyou, if it at all? 

“Kenma! I think I found it!”

A soft smile makes its way on his face as the other holds the door open for him and gestures him inside. 

He likes this Shouyou just fine. He really hopes Shouyou likes him, too.

+++

They choose a place by the window to sit. The atmosphere is warm, and soft piano music can be heard gently drifting from the cafe’s speakers. It replaces the ringing in Kenma’s ears, but not the anxious feeling in his chest. He has to say something soon, but it’s not easy when he feels his stomach clench and his throat dry out every time he opens his mouth. Still, it’s nearing the end of the night, and he’s determined to say something.

His nervous internal monologue is interrupted by a cat loudly meowing in his ear, and Shouyou’s subsequent soft laughter.

“Wow Kenma, we don’t even have food yet and they’re already coming up to see you,” he says, reaching over to pet the cat.

Kenma only shrugs. “It’s always been like this. Not sure what they see in me.” He doesn’t mean for it to come out in a self-depreciating way, but based on Shouyou’s look of surprise, it seems he accidentally made it that way.

“How could they not like you? You’re really nice and gentle, anyone would like that.”

Kenma tries not to read too much into the statement. He really does.

“You really think so?”

The lighting in the cafe is relatively low, so perhaps it’s only his imagination when he sees a rosy blush work its way onto the other’s face. That is, until Shouyou opens his mouth to speak, and it slowly upgrades from a soft pink to a fiery red, imitating a rising sun.

“Of course I do,” he stammers out, and it really is taking all of Kenma’s mental strength to not read too much into his nervousness. “You’re really amazing, Kenma. I… I really missed you, when I was over there. A lot.”

Kenma doesn’t need a mirror to know that his face is red too. “I missed you, too.”

He takes a breath in. It’s now or never. Everything has been leading up to this.

“And Shou-”

“I like you, Kenma!”

The cafe goes deathly silent. Both of the employees standing by the entrance exchange a glance, then slowly make their way over to the back room, and quietly shut the door behind them. The cats in the immediate area swivel their heads to look at the both of them, their pupils widening a hair.

Meanwhile, Kenma’s face feels like it’s just burst into flames. He looks at Shouyou, whose mouth is now hanging open at his own outburst. He can practically see the gears turning in his head as he scrambles to cover up his mistake. It’s embarrassing. It’s endearing. 

It’s all a part of the man he’s fallen in love with.

“I mean! Um,” Shouyou says, his voice raising a few octaves up. “That wasn’t how that was supposed to go at all,” he grumbles a few seconds later, looking away from Kenma.

And Kenma, who is still trying to process the initial outburst, who is still trying to find words to say after Shouyou stole the ones he was going to say, finds that all he can do is laugh.

All of that planning, all of that build up to the perfect confession, all of the self-doubt he’d fought along the way, had been crumbled by the destructive force of Shouyou’s sincerity. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. Not now, not ever.

He’d already acknowledged a long time ago that when Hinata Shouyou was around, things don’t tend to go according to plan. He was incredibly glad that it was the case this time, as well.

“It’s okay, Shouyou,” he finally manages to say as his laughter dies down. “I’m glad you said that actually, because I was struggling to say it myself.”

Shouyou freezes and stares at Kenma. “You mean, you really feel the same?”

Kenma nods, and has to stop himself from laughing again as Shouyou stifles a yell. “I do feel the same. I realized while you were gone that it was difficult not being able to see you. I want to be with you all the time, Shouyou. You make me feel so…”

His embarrassment prevents him from finishing the sentence. He’s never been good with words or softer feelings, and right now he’s hit his limit. Luckily, the other is quick to pick up where he’s left off.

“I thought about you a lot when I was away too, Kenma. I started wishing you were there with me, you know. But I didn’t know if you, um, felt the same.”

“I think I’ve felt the same since before you left, Shouyou.”

He sees his eyebrows shoot up. “All this time, and you never told me?”

Kenma only shrugs. “If I told you while you were gone, it would’ve made it worse, wouldn’t it?”

Shouyou gets a thoughtful look on his face, something Kenma finds endlessly endearing. “I guess you’re right. So now that we’re here, we have to make up for lost time, right?”

One last time, Kenma’s heart and brain team up against him. In an uncharacteristic act of bravery spurred on by his joy, he leans forward and places his hand in Shouyou’s, giving it a light squeeze. “Of course.”

Even though they were soon to be separated again, Kenma finds that he doesn’t mind. This time, he can tell Shouyou just how much he loves him whenever he wants. This time, they can greet each other with a warm embrace and a kiss when he returns.

This time, the distance won’t feel so distant.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: peachh_boy  
> Tumblr: peachh-boy


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